My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
