Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize