Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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