Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
