i can't believe i had my finger in that
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
