I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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