i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
