The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
