what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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