Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
