My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
