Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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