She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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