I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
