Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
