What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
