Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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