So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
