Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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