Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
