Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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