Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
