i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
