She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
