I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
