sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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