you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
