Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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