i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
