woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
