i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
