You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
