i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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