Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
