He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And then my night got REAL pukey
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
