Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
