i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
