I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
