I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
