The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
