i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
