these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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