I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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