Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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