every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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