dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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