we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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