Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
