i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
