direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
