I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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