a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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