I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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