With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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