Soap is not a condiment
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
only you would photoshop your dick
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
