well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
