You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
