Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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