My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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