Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Be still, my beating vagina.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My penis needs a shock collar
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
