I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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