piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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