im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
