when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
