The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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