Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize