Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
