singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
