By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
