So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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