I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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