If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
