Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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