I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
