Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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