I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
