i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
