hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize