Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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