There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
